Same Old Rant.

There's gotta be a wicked spirit force intentionally cock-blocking me. Gotta be. Probably with the hope that I do something irrational like many in the truth today, and go outside of the organization for a mate. Fuck it. I just might. The sisters certainly aint waitin on no brothers. They can have babies come back to the truth with a worldly mate, and still give comments n whatnot. I see it in my hall all the time. Then I just went to a wedding where a newly baptized sister from my hall, married a newly baptized brother from another hall cross town. Yet I been in the truth for years, and cant find "the one".  I dont know how many times I can keep puttin myself out there for nothing. I dont know maybe i'm bitter. Its just a direct slap in the face everytime I see some sister pining over some worldly nigga. And then actually gettin said nigga to study, or even come into the truth later on with the intent of marrying him. Meanwhile, I get all kinds of excuses, avoidance manuvers, and even outrightly being cut off, when I express interest in a sister. And I've tried all types of approaches. I've tried being myself, i've tried waiting and being the friend first, i've tried being extra polite, i've tried being funny, i've tried being generous, and i've even tried the mean approach.  Im tired of it. I could easily get a worldly chick. They love well spoken black men, with a job, thats spiritual, and who will treat them right. They aint used to that. The only thing holding me back is the disappointment it would cause my folks, and what I would perceive to be disappointment from God. Although me and my imperfect sense of justice feels like at least for right now, some people in the organization are getting away with murder relationship wise. I just wanna be O.J. too....